Ever since Day 1 of Navy boot camp, they pitch you this idea that Australia is the dream port.  The rumors go like this: the girls are amazingly hot, girl-to-guy ratio is 8:1 and they all love Americans, Aussie men treat their women like shit because the get the pick of the litter, women are just waiting for you to get off the boat, Adopt-A-Sailor, guys missing ship movement, blah blah blah.  Well, after my first deployment in 2004 got “extended,” we headed to Perth, Australia.

 

Perth Western Australia

 

The names of those in the story are undisclosed (as with all my stories) to protect the innocent.  The only people who know the identities are me, those involved, and probably some of my buddies from the Navy.

 

I heard rumors of women throwing tennis balls at the boat with their phone numbers in order to get some sailor and chics even eating each other out as the liberty boats would pull into the pier.  (The tennis balls may not be true since these girls would have to have a cannon arm to get to the carrier anchored 2 miles out…as for chics eating each other out, well I dunno…that would be awesome if true.)  Well, when we got to the pier at Freemantle, there were index cards posted up of girls looking for sailors to show around town (mainly, they were looking for fighter pilots, but that can’t be too hard to fake, right?).  Whorehouses handing out business cards with the American flag on them and the quote, “the place the Yanks wore out” or something along those lines (the boat was there the year before during the Shock and Awe campaign and were out to sea for 180 days straight I guess, so I could see that happening.)  My buddies and I took the train to Perth and partied out in town, mainly looking for beers and titty bars, which was a success, and I partied so hard, I lost my voice. We all had to be back on the boat the next day, so we took a cab back to the boat for our mandatory 24 hours of duty.

 

The next day, a buddy and I got a hotel room of at the Burswood Resort and Casino.  It was $110/night and discounted from 50% so we took it and split the cost.  We planned to meet at the hotel that night and I met up with another friend who I took the train with into Perth.  Sitting on the train, a cute girl walked up to us and asked if we were American, this girl was on her way to work, but she skipped work (at some festival/carnival thing) to show us around, took us back to her boss who asked us, “Are you in Perth to see the kids?” We told her it was our first time, so she became less cynical.  Then, she took us grocery shopping, then back to her place.  My buddy got a piece of that, so I left and headed to the Burswood.

 

When my buddy and I checked in, we found out that the only thing they had available was a room with only one king-sized bed.  We decided to roll with it and hope we scored tonight.  We proceeded to go to Northbridge to party and pick up chics.  As it came to no surprise, there were a bunch of squids there.  The hot Navy chics who wouldn’t talk to you on the boat, now all of a sudden, they’re all dressed to the nines and trying to talk to you, because they all know about the Aussie girls.  Of course, I just blew the Navy chics by the wayside.  We found a place that was kinda chill and less squids.  After partying and drinking like a sailor the entire night, an Indian girl with a hot Aussie accent (I love accents) came up to me to chat me up.  She asked where I was staying and I told her the Burswood, so she took me by the hand and dragged me out the bar.  We passed my buddy and I pulled him out as well.  We all got into a cab and booked it to the Burswood.

 

When we got to the lobby, we decided to go into the casino to find my friend a girl.  Just in luck, there was a bachelorette party group right as we walked into the casino floor.  We talked to the girls and my buddy picked up the one with “nice personality.”  She really was a nice girl, but well…..nevermind.  Anyways, we all went up to our room and confronted the dilemma with one bed.  While my buddy and this girl just talked, I was dragged into the bathroom.  I was told, “Listen mate, I have no problem with casual sex or sex without commitment.  If you wanna find another bird in the casino, I got no problem with that and I’ll stay here for the night with no issues.” I told her, “Look, I won tonight.” I don’t need to go into more details…except that my buddy and this girl wouldn’t stop talking on the bed, so we “used” the bed as well right next to them.

The only reason I had to wake up the next morning to walk her out was that you needed a key to run the elevator…

Part 2 is the post-drunk, hungover, and drunk again of our last night in Australia.

And of course,

 

 

Sexy dominicana / Bikini Bash 2009 , Cosmopolitan

Sexy dominicana / Bikini Bash 2009 , Cosmopolitan (Photo credit: Remolacha.net pics)

As I said, the world needs storytellers, so I have a story for you.

In the Navy, being a young 22-year old single guy out to sea, you crave female company every once in awhile.  Porn is passed around on the boat, or in the military in general, like baseball cards.  So that’s why we all (well, most of us) booze and whore it up when we pull in somewhere.  So, we pull into Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, and the first day I had to stand duty (where you stay on the boat for 24 hours, because you know, the Navy doesn’t shut down or whatever).  I sit on the boat and wait for everyone to come back to the ship for curfew (grown men with curfew, I know).  And of course, everyone comes back wasted and I try to get the lowdown on what’s cool out there, so I can go have fun the next day.  I remember this one guy coming back and talking about a bunch of girls.  And this is months into our deployment, so we did Hawaii numerous times, and Sasebo, Japan, but I never got a hooker before.  So I asked him all about it.  He said, “Dude, just find a cab driver and he’ll take you.”  I was all jazzed up for the next day.

The next morning, I do my thing and find a couple of buddies and we head out into town together.  I told them I had some “intel” and they were keen on doing it.  I found a cab and told the cabbie to take me somewhere with a bunch of girls.  He smiled and told us to get in.  I remember he took us to this really fancy looking building.  We paid him his fare and he told the guy at the door to escort us to this place.  We all get into the elevator and take it up a few floors into this really beautifully decorated lounge, complete with bar, big screen TVs, comfy couches.  All as young 20-somethings were in awe and thought it was really sweet.  A guy came up to us and asked us what what we wanted and we told him.  He told us to hang out by the bar and have a few drinks, so we did without hesitation.  The guy comes back with a train full of beautiful exotic girls dressed to the nines….Indian, Chinese, all beautiful.  We were in even more awe.  He said, “Go ahead…choose.” So we chose our ladies and they escorted up these steps to a place that looked really seedy.  I thought to myself, “Now, I feel like I’m in a whorehouse.”

I don’t need to go into details (yet, I’m not good at writing erotica).  But yeah, she basically took me into the bathroom, took off my clothes, led me into the shower, soaped me up, washed me down, and then back to the bed where we got to business.  When it was over, it was another wash down and she sent me on my merry way.

After this, I was hooked.  I never got many girls in high school and it wasn’t like I was a bad looking guy, just lacked a lot of confidence in myself.  I have plenty of stories where this came from and I will share these along the way.  But I’m glad I did all of this while I was young and in the Navy.  If I didn’t get this out of my system, coming to Thailand would be a very expensive trip.

And because I read somewhere pictures of half-naked women may bring more readers, I put one up :).